Heather Welch, Edx Education today we will be in conversation Dr Karin Jakubowski Educator, Empowerment Coach, Founder, Educational Impact Academy.
Episode 40: Dr. Jakubowski believes in connection before correction using mindfulness strategies with her students. Helping kids live to be happier, healthier every day. She has touched the lives of thousands of families in multiple states with her ability to connect and help kids experience success from challenging behaviours.
With a doctorate in Educational Leadership, and nearly 20 years of experience in education she has been referred to as an educational game-changer.
Today we will be chatting about, the challenges of being an educator with all the changes in the last 12-18months, Problem-Solving with Kids Behaviors, Connecting With the Kids.
Here are the highlights:
{2:16} Good teachers have a positive impact on us
{6:18} What’s up with that?
{11:49} Giving children the space to self-regulate
{17:28} Connection before correction
{22:02} Life is instantaneous
{27:37} We don’t have to wait around anymore
{30:47} Give our kids the tools they need
#mindfulness #edxeducation #learningthroughplay .
You’re listening to education experts with edx education. Education is evolving. Join Heather Welch from edx education, chatting with teachers, psychologists, parents, authors, creatives, and other tons of experts to keep up with the trends.
Edx Education, discusses, home learning, school readiness, being creatives, changing in education, discussing what’s next hands-on learning.
Or as we like to say, learning through play.
Heather Welch
Welcome, everyone. I’m Heather Welch from edx education and today i am in conversation with Dr. Karin Jakubowski educator empowerment, coach and founder of educational impact academy. Dr. J, as she’s been referred to by her children believes in connection before correction using mindfulness strategies with her students.
Helping kids live to be happier, healthier every day.
She’s touched the lives of thousands of families in multiple states with her ability to connect and help kids experience success from their challenging behaviors, with a doctorate in educational leadership and nearly 20 years of experience in education she’s been referred to as an educational game changer.
Which we all know we need at the moment, especially after the last 12 -18 months, we’re chatting about the challenges of being an educator with all the changes in the last 12 to 18 months. Problem-solving kids’ behaviors and connecting with kids. Dr. J. Welcome. It’s so lovely to have you here today.
Dr Karin Jakubowski
Thank you so much. I’m excited to be here.
Heather Welch
Can I please ask you to introduce yourself to our listeners and what you love about teaching?
Yes. So I am Karin Jakubowski and I was a teacher for about six years, and then I was an aspiring principal. So I actually worked in two elementary schools as a problem study.
Child study team facilitator. So we actually took kids needs and where they were at and things that were like barriers to their learning and we would problem solve intervention.
So I did that for two years and then I became the assistant principal. And now I’m a principal totalling my 10th year now. And the thing I love about teaching, well, the reason why I got into teaching was that I just love kids.
And, there were so many teachers who had such a positive influence on me growing up to the point where I literally was like, I am who I am today because of those positive influences in my life that several of them were teachers. And if there was anything I could do or give back and look at the end of my life and look back and say, what did I do?
What did I do, how did I make it? It really well down to wanting to instill in kids what people had instilled in me. So sometimes I actually didn’t really think I was like the best instructional teacher when it comes down to it. But what I really did well was encourage kids, help them see past maybe their mistakes or their challenges.
That’s about. I ended up defining who those kids are, and I just believed in them and, and created a place where they love coming to school. And it’s so funny. My fourth grade students would be like, please loop with us, please loop with us. Because one day they looked at me and they’re like, you’re an actress because I would do anything to keep it exciting and engaging and fun learning.
So that’s kind of why I started out going into teaching.
Heather Welch
Oh, I really love to hear that because you do find and even saw this on your, on your website. You’ve quoted for years. I saw kids struggling in school. Some kids had behavioural issues, some just couldn’t do school as we know it. And it’s true. Some kids just don’t do the structure that we put in place with them.
There’s a lot of this is they call it home unschooling at the moment over here. They don’t know if they’ve got the same thing. The schooling in the non-traditional sense, but then you’ve got here over the years, I learned a collaborative problem-solving approach and everything started to change. I mean, could you talk us through this process and what was that light bulb moment that, you know, allowed you to think about this collaborative problem-solving approach for children?
[4:00] Dr Karin Jakubowski
So when I was a fourth-grade teacher, I had kids who I thought were completely brilliant because when I gave them an activity to do with materials to build something, create something, they were, they were just so creative and could just put things together with their hands. But the minute I hadn’t them do the paper, pencil activity, it was like pulling teeth. Like I could not get that kid to just do the work that we needed them to do. And so I would have lunch with him just to connect with him and just try to figure out, like, what makes you tick? Like we got to get you through this successfully. And I have no idea how to do it and everything. I tried didn’t seem to end up working.
And one day he looked at me and he said, I need a box and I want you to put me in a box and only you’re allowed in the box. And I was like, wow. Kids just learn so differently. And the majority of them show up and do what they want you to do. But it was those kids who, I mean, one year I had a kid who would just run under, under the cubbies and hide.
And I, I didn’t know why, and I didn’t know how to help him and I couldn’t get him out. And I faced that enough where I would get frustrated. And then when I told you I was a child study team facilitator, We’re dealing with, you know, more problems and kids didn’t qualify for an IEP. They didn’t qualify for 5 0 4, but they had issues and concerns and they needed help, but there was nothing in the system that supported them.
And so actually for my dissertation, I created what I thought was a job that was called a learning mentor. And through my research, I actually found in the UK, it was something that pretty much already existed in some schools. And I was so excited because some kids just need a liaison between the teacher and the kid or the parent and the teacher.
Um, there’s just so much to navigate there. And I think sometimes things are kind of misunderstood. And so 12 years ago, when I attended a workshop by Dr Stewart he runs the number one psychiatry department in the country and has a program called think kids. And he taught us, there were six schools that I was invited with to attend his day training. And he talked about a collaborative problem-solving process, and he talked about using empathy and you’re empathetic to what that sounded like and what kind of questions you would ask and you don’t talk down to the kid, you just use what I call the elevator tone of voice.
And you say something like I noticed you kicked a kid, what’s up with that. And you use this magical question. What’s up with that. And you just. And you wait and you wait. And most times kids are like, I don’t know, or they shrug their shoulders. And you just ask again, if you did know, what would you say?
And eventually, over time, Kids learn to realize that you’re not going to judge them. You’re not going to talk down to them. You’re not going to yell at them. And slowly they get to a place where they know it’s safe to be vulnerable. And sometimes they would come up with things that happened hours before that event.
But how many times do we react to. Uh, a child does in the moment based on what we saw them do.
[00:07:00] Dr Karin Jakubowski
And I love how I’ve learned over the years. There’s a story behind every behaviour and this process gets to the root and the story. I mean, mom, imagine if you’re kid did something and you knew a process to actually get them to help you understand why they did what they really did.
And now let’s, let’s either problem to be solved or a skill they need to be. So that’s, that’s the that’s the process in a nutshell. And for me, that changed everything. And I worked with that process. I wasn’t good at, at first, like anything, it took practice and time and failure and failing forward, but it really linked with, with, with my philosophy of education and working with kids.
Because it’s a very positive approach. I mean, when I was a kid, I got in trouble a lot. I lied, I stole, I cheated. Like I was, I was a bad kid, but I felt bad. And I, I got punished and I never want a kid to feel that. And I don’t believe you have to make them feel worse. I believe every kid feels bad when they do something bad.
And so that’s, that’s how I roll. It’s kind of a little different.
It’s not always embraced by all. And, but it’s what I really believe at my core. And I’ve seen it impact kids’ lives for the better,
Heather Welch
It’s really positive awareness. It’s a really positive approach when I was, when I lived overseas for a long time.
When My oldest boy went to a school, then he sort of was, he was high energy. He was very high energy, his concentration wasn’t great. He was very high energy. And that wasn’t really, I suppose it was looked down on a lot at this particular international school. And I remember having this teacher and she just assured me, she said he does concentrate when he’s interested.
And so she, she created what she called is the race track for him. So when she saw him getting jittery or just, he’s just in self-regulate, it was a really hot place in the middle of summer. There wasn’t much time outside and he didn’t get that same energy, you know, expelled that you do normally. And so she’d had this racetrack and she’d send him out there.Flying. And Then she’d make him little Batman pens or anything like that to get him to hold a pen because he wasn’t interested in holder pen. He could similar to what you’re saying. He could build anything. He could do all those things, but he couldn’t actually, he couldn’t concentrate when he wasn’t interested.
He wouldnt want to just write ABC or anything like that. He didn’t want to do that. Traditional learning, but he could play with anything. And it’s funny because he used to be the one that would get into trouble a lot. And it wasn’t until they started doing this. Like, because I suppose they seemed to play therapy to figure out what the root of the problem was.
And we used to do it at home a lot. So I’d set up all these things and we’d talk about what happened in our day and you’d come back to exactly what you said before. Something that happened hours earlier, set off a chain of reaction, I suppose, a chain of events that then went through the day. And so it took a long time.
Cause I suppose they get labelled very quickly. I find some times, you know, if you’re a little bit less, uh, easy to please children get labelled quickly. I don’t know. Do you find that, you know, over your years of teaching?
[00:10:00] Dr Karin Jakubowski
Yes. And it’s funny that you say that because I just had an author on my podcast. Her name is Heather Schumaker and she’s an author of two books one’s called it’s okay To go off the slide.
And it’s like mitigate rules that you’re like. What am I going to teach my kid and why? But she grew up in a school that had three recesses and she was telling me so much information around how, which has made me want to create one two an even three recesses within my school currently because the kids do need that.
Especially the boys. She said, Karen, if you build three races, and if you found a way to do that, you would see the kids get all of their energy out. But also it’s, it’s twofold. Those are the experiences and the opportunities that they need to build their social skill. And she’s like, don’t, don’t scribe what they’re going to do.
It’s literally free play where they true. True play is free play. Like when they’re at. Kids need that they need to bump up against another and problem solve. Or I want to play this now. What do I do
Dr Karin Jakubowski
Oh, I don’t have someone playing with me. How am I going to go ask them? Um, and just be in their world, because as they have that outlet, they’re actually, learning what the teacher had them do before and prepares them for what they’re about to do after, and then bring them inside and see if they can’t sit down and actually.
Now sit down and focus on what you want to do. So even that simple shift was really making me think a lot. And especially my schedule at my school right now.
Heather Welch
Are you looking at it right now? And all the teachers saying what she’s up, what he stopped out to now I know she’s cooking something. We can all hear it.
It is really important. It’s something. I mean, even simple things, I don’t know, to introduce a different snack or anything like that. There are simple things that you can do. I was talking to a teacher though. They had teacher and she’s gone to a new school and she said they don’t give, they give them three meals a day, no snacks.
So she’s come from a school that, whereas they give them a stack, they give them. She goes, actually the kids are staffing. They don’t concentrate. They really lose. They lose their concentration in a certain time of the day and she can really sit and she goes, you know, something as simple as giving them a snack in the break.
I mean, it’s just these little things that some schools do, some schools don’t I suppose, but I think to expel the energy and it allows children to then self regulate as well. And they self-regulate with each other, they learn, You know, and the cognitive development, everything, social, emotional skills.
I mean, I always see what’s happened with, when I, when I teach, I used to understand what’s happening with children cause they, they play and they talk about their world and how they see it. And then you can understand what’s happening within their world when, especially when you do those early years, you know, you have more of an understanding of them.
But, I really love when you talk about, connection before correction and I suppose to explain to them, to why it’s so important, I’d love you to explain to everyone
Dr Karin Jakubowski
Yeah. So, you know, if you’re a teacher listening, you’re a child in your class does something wrong. And in our situation, they, the teacher can put in a referral.
So an administrator talks with the kid, figures out what happened, you know, and has to give a consequence as, as needed, as determined.
But, but over time, I realized that the teachers don’t have a lot of time and this process does take time. So I do want to just recognize that. Uh, but if there’s a way for us to create time, if that teacher were to use, for example, this collaborative problem-solving process, where you deal with it outside the event.
So we’re not going to deal with it when the kids are upset, flipping it. Not in control of their body. That’s a really big phrase. I teach parents when I do workshops. Notice, first of all, when you’re calm and in control of your body, and you’re not going to address it when you are, and you’re not going to address it until the child is calm and in control of their body.
And nine times out of 10, if a teacher were to say to a kid, I noticed you sat there the entire lesson and didn’t fill out your answers. What’s up with that. And if they, at that moment, you’re creating a connection. You’re opening up a level playing field that’s non-judgmental, which helps that child take a risk to be vulnerable because it was surprising at times where a kid might say something like, well, you know, my dad yelled at me and we were rushing out the door and I need to get to finish my breakfast this morning.
You know, and to us, we’re like, why aren’t they working? They should be working. They’re refusing to work there. You know, we, we always come up with our own stories and, and, and that’s okay. But I’d like to beg you to seek, to understand first what might really be going on. Right. And so that connection before correction, so many times we want to correct the kid or, you know, we write them up and they, you know, they need to feel that punishment or whatever it is, but we never went back to connecting with the kid to really find out what really went on.
Like there was a kid who Barreled into the class one day, a first grader and the teacher called me and he just ran through the door and like knock the kid over. And like, and of course now the kid’s crying cause administration was called and now it’s all dramatic. He’s out in the hall with me. And I always just wait.
A kid has to calm down when they ready to calm down. Parents and teachers just, just, just tell yourself in your mind, like you can’t control how fast your child or kid or student calms down. And, and there’s that waiting time, give them that time. It’s worth it in the end, the time invested for you to do this process.
As much as you’re like, but we got to keep going. We got to keep moving with the curriculum pacing or, you know, in life it’s like, I gotta get to gymnastics. I gotta, you know, make dinner, etcetera. But it, you, you have to let the child when you can. Uh, strange circumstances where you’re like, Nope, we just got to keep going, but if you can let them just take a breath and get calm and in control of their body.
I never stare at them because that makes anybody feel awkward. And I just sometimes don’t want to set a little timer for them to watch that sometimes helps them when they’re calm and in control that when I said to them like, wow, I heard you barreled through the class, like hurt, like hurt a kid or not to get over whatever happened.
And I use that question, like what was up with. And, and in his situation it was, his dad had rushed him out the door that morning and he, he hadn’t finished his food. So then what do I say next? Would you like us to go get something to eat? Like maybe that was indeed that needed to be met for us to then work on.
Dr Karin Jakubowski
Now, when you walk into the classroom, I want you to X, Y, and Z, because how do you think it made them feel vice versa? They can do all the teachings. And, and model and etcetera. So, so connect before you, correct. It’s so important. And when you build that connection, now you’ve built that trust. And now the next time you have to deal with them with something slowly, they will open up and be more vulnerable with you because they know that they’re safe with you and you’re not going to.
Make them possibly feel like they don’t have self-esteem sometimes kids who are bad with self-esteem and self-confidence, because they’ve kind of been, been made to feel bad. And I always reassure kids. You’re not bad. What you did was a little unexpected. And I like to use that a lot expected, unexpected, but you’re not bad.
So now how do you think that made someone feel and how do you feel and what could we do to, to different, to, to help that situation and let them come up with.
Heather Welch
It’s such a lovely way to do it. Expect an unexpected it’s not really a negative, no negative connotation. Really? It’s just saying that, you know, we know that you can do this, or we know that you there, you’re trying to get the connection.
I love it. It’s simplistic. It’s not seeing red and no one, no one in their right mind when they’re seeing red is that’s. I don’t know if you’ve known that expression before is, is that they just can’t be, can’t see, you know, anything at all. You say, you have to wait till they calm down and then they can actually understand and process what happened.
And, you know, if they’re old enough to understand, or even emotionally, you know, it depends on their learning abilities as well. It’s really important. I think it’s such a beautiful way to put it is connection before correction. Now, I suppose watching a video and you had this really lovely video on your YouTube and it was talking about mindfulness and you’re talking about how you’ve been introducing it, especially during, I suppose, last 12 to 18 months, which it has been a little bit more difficult, especially for educators trying to keep the world running.
Especially the children, you know, the children at school, the parents and everything. And there was this breathing technique that you do. And there was this little boy there and he was just so lovely the way that he was explaining how it calms him down and when he uses it, I suppose I’d love it. Talk about how, why you introduced these mindfulness techniques, strategies, I suppose, during, and when you introduce them.
{18:28} Dr Karin Jakubowski
Yeah. So two years ago, pre COVID my school counsellor heard at her child’s school that they had a mindfulness coach come in and teach the kids, these mindfulness lessons. And she was like, we have to bring this. So we got some money together. We piloted it in our first. First grade only. And even one of the teachers was like, what is this all about?
Yeah, whatever. I’m so not into it. And after the six or eight-week course, she was like, Karen, I can’t believe this. I’m using it for myself. I’m using it with my kids at home, let alone in our class, we’re doing it. So she shared that with the entire school and our building leadership team decided as a team, like for the next year, we were going to hire the coach to come to teach all the kids.
And so she came for, I think it’s six or eight weeks. Oh, why don’t you teach us awareness? So she just teaches them simply to notice your thoughts without any judgment. That’s the mindfulness piece and she just has them sit quietly. Um, she used this as a little strategy, like put your, put your backup tall, like a tree raised.
Gently on your lap, close your eyes, or look down at the floor. You say whatever’s comfortable for them because it might not feel comfortable for a kid to close their eyes. And then she’ll just have them sit and she’ll start out with a chime and they sit for one minute. And then over the week, she builds up a minute, a minute, a minute, and then she teaches them a little mini-lesson about like maybe listening.
Let’s just listen today to the sounds in the room. And another day she’ll talk about seeing and what you see. And, and what do you here? What do you taste? And she brought in a little, little something snack for them to try and, and they’re just being aware of their senses was pretty much the basis of those practices and teaching them little things, little activities like breathing, like put your finger along your thumb. And as you go up to the top, when you breathe in and as you travel down to the next finger you read out and then breathe in and we call it the five finger breath. I love doing that with kids cause they have their hand and it’s always with them and then she’ll teach them like when you’re on a test and you get anxious or if you feel anxious in any other situation, stop and just do your five fingers breath.
And then come back to that problem on the test. And I even had a fifth-grader self-report, how it had helped him on a test. And then she did a pre and post-test with the second through fifth graders. And when they said 40% of them said it helped them sleep better at night, I was like, get out. We can help kids sleep.
I’m so excited about this. 80% said this should be taught to other kids such and such percent said it helped them calm down more. I mean these kids. And then I put a video together on, on my video, my YouTube channel of kids. Self-reporting how they had used it when their mom was talking to their sibling and they wanted her to talk to him now.
[21:00] Dr Karin Jakubowski
And he went. And then he was calm and in control. And when she was ready, he was like, okay, we can talk like, this is huge. And, and now I saw it as like a proactive approach, like almost therapy for kids proactively because they’re going to use these skills for the rest of their life. One girl in first grade had a swim meet and mom said she was always anxious.
There’s so much commotion. It’s so busy. And the coach like kind of talks with their voice and it gets a little stressful. And one day she looked over at her daughter was doing the breathing activity. Went out there and crushed her little Sumeet and she’s like, if you see my daughter with a step in, you know, that’s why thank you for mindfulness Tuesdays.
And it was like, this is so exciting.
Heather Welch
So yeah, he’s such a lovely, so nice when you hear that, but do you think, I mean, you know, life now is so busy. I mean, pre I mean, we were all home. I, you know, I, we all homeschooling, we’re all at home, working from home. In many, a sense. And so a lot of things shut down and we weren’t as busy, but do you think it’s for children that we were building all this anxiety and all this because everyone is instantaneous.
Our life is instantaneous. You buy something from a, I can say Amazon or something. It comes the next day or you don’t buy it. Or you, you go to all these things and everything You’re expected, kids don’t stray stream TV. They don’t actually watch ads. You know, there’s all these different things now where, so I suppose that they have, they haven’t been taught to stop.
And think and take a breath, you know, so it’s really such a small, it’s a big thing cause it caused lots of behavioural problems, but it is something that, you know, do you think miss Our society, I suppose to a degree, we’re sort of not thinking about these things. We just sort of charge your head all the time.
{22:02} Dr Karin Jakubowski
Yeah, I completely agree. I mean, I always say even, I feel like I’m always running 110 miles an hour, like when, when does anybody ever stop? Right. And, and for any parent or teacher listening, it could literally be three minutes You do with your child once a day or build up. If one minute sounds like, huh?
Let’s just get one minute of just sitting comfortably letting your eyes close or looking down, but, but maybe practice, it fed a little timer with, with you and your child, because I interviewed, high schoolers on my podcast and their teacher would do start every class with three minutes of this mindful moment of silence and what they said this did for them.
It totally like recharged Come back to the moment, whatever they were racing through beforehand, it helped them pause and just reframe, okay, now I’m ready for this. And they started using it more and more in their life. And they actually shared that. One of them said it literally got them through 20, 20,.
So mom or teacher, think of your day, think of your week, carve out one minute that you could do with your child once a day, once a week. And just start there. And see, see what, see what the practice does for you. Just try it out and you’ll find, you know, what works for you. But the most important thing is just, just to start, you know, and, and, and there’s, if you go on my website, educationalimpactacademy.com, if you click on blog on the right-hand side, there’s a free video of a mindfulness lesson, because I have some in the portal that you can buy and use for adolescents or kids.
And just try one, try it with your kid this week, see how they respond to react. Okay. Very simply
Heather Welch
It’s such a lovely, why do you also, you also do workshops, don’t you, do you do workshops for educational impact academy for parents or is it for teachers?
[25:00] Dr Karin Jakubowski
At the moment I’m running one. Well, it’s called happy kids, not perfect kids.
So it could be for a teacher or parent at the moment we have parents in the program. So it’s a six-week course, one hour a week on zoom call on a Tuesday night. And I’m teaching them these practices of this collaborative problem-solving approach, like asking what’s up with that, noticing that when you’re going to get in control of your body and your kid, before you deal with an issue and even already we’re three weeks in, uh, tomorrow’s our fourth, fourth week.
And the parents are like Coming back and telling stories of how they did it. And they noticed it and they, or, or an area where they struggled with it and we’re able to give feedback. And what’s so beautiful about the way I structure the course. It’s very interactive. So parents are hearing from other parents and it’s not just like, I’m the one who has all the info.
No, we are learning in this together. Brilliant. People love that opportunity.
Heather Welch
Do you know what it’s so important? Is this a continuous thing where people be able to look online? Can they look at your website and actually see to sign up for if they’re interested? Can they sign up for these kinds of workshops?
Dr Karin Jakubowski
Yeah. The best thing to do is when you go to my website, right at the top there’s if you put your email address in the best thing to do is get on my email list so that you can hear when these next courses are coming out because then some of them are going to be sold on the website. So if you can’t show up.
At a certain time, you could at least buy it and watch it on your own time. So those are like two options out there, but to get on the email list, there’s just an opportunity, right On their front page to get my free video course of three steps to happy kids. We’re actually talking you through some of this, so you can kind of watch it over and over if you want to do.
And then that’ll put you on the email list to get all of my, weekly bi-weekly emails of any upcoming workshops as we put them together or what we’re featuring, um, coming out next.
Heather Welch
Can I ask you over the 20 years, have you, do you find that kids or to us, their behaviour has changed? Like, do you think emotionally that their behaviour is more recognized that we have all these, you know, different, we are diagnosed our children with more things?
Or do you think that the through society out, if you look at, you know, think about 20 years ago when you first started teaching to now, I’m sure you’re much wiser now, do you know, um, do you see that it’s changed a lot? There’s a lot of things that have changed with them. Children’s social struggles they have yet.
{27:37} Dr Karin Jakubowski
One of the changes is when a kid has an IEP or 5 0 4, the regulations that really rule if a child is eligible, we have seen those change over time to actually include more things. So it’s easier for kids to kind of get in a fight now. And there’s more areas they could be identified under. So that’s a growing change where now we’re seeing more students call for him five or fours and or IEP and individual education plan.
I mean, the last 10 years, my staff and I, we have just verbally candidly shared with each other that we’re seeing the mental health needs of kids on the rise that was pre-covid. And I guess what was so empowering for us was to bring in this mindfulness, because we felt like we weren’t getting enough supports for the kids.
And so that’s what I loved about this. I was like, I don’t have to wait around anymore for someone to come help us. We, so I took two courses to learn the materials and teach the lessons to the kids. Um, and then actually one of my fifth grade students created my first YouTube channel called mindfulness with Dr Jay, who actually was a bright kid with a lot of behavior problems.
But that’s, that’s my ninja trick where I’ve learned, you take the kids struggling and you find out what they’re good at and you empower them in that. And then all of a sudden kids would walk by and be like, Hey, tech guy instead of He’s the guy always in trouble in the office.
Like it, the whole thing is just so beautiful. It’s, it’s been empowering for a lot of.
Heather Welch
That’s really lovely. It’s you know, it is, I suppose, I mean, many years ago when I was, when I trained to be a teacher, actually I think there was who was it? Um, so Ken Robinson had that YouTube was that first YouTube you create our schools kill creativity or something like that.
Do you remember this one? And he was talking about how we really need to exactly what you’re doing. We need to cater to the children’s individual needs and to look at what they’re good at. Figure out how we’re going to, you know, use those soft skills and make them get them more engaged. And I’m intrinsically motivated really to have respect for each other, instead of doing the same thing over again, which I suppose lots of people do, lots of businesses do as well.
Yes. You never know. I suppose one thing is, do you have, like if your elementary school and especially over the last, you know, 18 months, is there more of a social media? Is that a potential cause for mental health problems? Could you, I mean, you know, without the actual figures, I know it’s hard, but is there something that you see that’s on the rise?
{30:47} Dr Karin Jakubowski
In the school that I’m at, we don’t see it as much as I know it is happening. And maybe that’s because the parents are more controlling of what they’re allowing their kids on, but we weren’t like forth and closest to closer to fifth grade. And then in sixth grade, the 11 and 12 year olds, we start to see The most creeping up. Um, and I get this question often and people are like, you know, how, how should I regulate what my kid does on social media? How should I create an avatar and like spy on them? And, you know, everyone has a ton of questions around this, but really what, what you want to notice is, is has your child’s behavior changed in any way?
And if, and when you notice your child’s behavior changing, that’s where you could use this collaborative following some problem-solving process, because you could be like, Hey, it looks like you looked sad a little bit yesterday and today. And it could be stemming from something that happened on social media, and then you can walk them through that or use it as a teachable moment.
So, you know, I’m sure there’s a hundred different things. People might have opinions about regulating and managing their kids on social media, but also just, just tune in with them, them emotionally, you know, and observe their behavior because they, they may, if, if anything has shifted or changed,
And even the high schoolers that I interviewed on my podcast, they were like, it’s the first thing we do when we wake up in the morning is check our social media. Who said, what was I included today by say anything about me? How was I perceived? How was I? I mean, it is just, just, just has totally consumed our world, you know?
And so giving our kids tools. To manage and regulate their anxiety or stress will help them in those moments. If someone on social media said or did those pressures want to creep in. And so I that’s what I love about this process because you’re actually the problem solving process is teaching your kid to problem solve, which is what we all want our kids to do when they grow up and be citizens to be able to give back in, in a way.
And then the mindfulness techniques are teaching them how to manage their stress, anxiety. You know, they might not know those words right now, but you teach them like when you feel the heat rising in your neck, when you feel your heart pounding a little bit, now take a deep breath and notice what happens.
And you are really helping them learn their physiological, state that to move them from the fight or flight mode into that state of calm, present. And now I can engage.
[32:00] Heather Welch
Such an important skill in life, not just when your children is important, as you were saying before, it’s teachers are using it, we can use it.
Parents can use it before they sort of, you know, to figure out exactly what happened rather than in that chain of reaction of events and everything. I was wondering what many teachers are a little bit, I suppose, depleted of energy. They’re a little bit, they’re taken on board. A lot of the behaviour, the emotional, the mental stuff.
From homeschooling, they’ve retrained. If you’ve got two tips that would help them get through the next 12 months, what would they be for teachers?
Dr Karin Jakubowski
Uh, the first one is check-in early with yourself and often notice where you carry yourself. Do you do your shoulders tense up? Does your mind race? Can you not turn it off?
Just notice where your stress is building up for you. So becoming aware is the first thing and then check in early and often and tell your right that somewhere. So throughout your day, you’re like, how am I feeling? What is, what is my state, what mental state and mind, what physical state, and then identify something you can do to help relieve your own stress.
That’s like two minutes, whether it’s breathing for me, it’s my breasts, my finger breath. I actually closed my office door. I do it like, it helps me in that moment and then create a list. And, and there’s, um, there was a lady that came on my podcast and she gave us a couple of resources around it. And then you can think of something that maybe.
Like an hour or two, like maybe it’s a massage or something bigger going for a walk in the park outside. So you create a list of like short things, you know, you can access when you need to, and then maybe a list of longer things when you have more time and you plan for those and schedule them. I say like, schedule it as important as it is an important call.
You have to make, yourself that priority your self care. If we’re not our best. We’re not going to be our best for our kids or our students because they are mirrors of us. And if we’re freaked out and we’re anxious and we’re running 110 miles an hour, we can’t be surprised that our kids are actually doing and looking the same way.
[00:34:00] Dr Karin Jakubowski
So if, as you take care of yourself, whether its Three minute, mindful moment break of breathing or something longer. And you’re checking in early and often you’ll be your best. And that our kids will start mirroring from us. That’s a really big thing. They are mirrors of us. What are you saying at home?
What are they hearing from you? Do you want them to hear that? Because that’s creating the world that they live in, you know, so maybe you need to get in your car and tell your girlfriend all the things you just want to be like, ah, about. But, but, but maybe think twice before that said in the presence of your kids, I’m not saying don’t be frustrated, but just show where you let off your frustration.
I know a mom who gets in her car and just screams or her lungs out. I think I’ve done that myself once, twice before, like, so it’s just being aware of what you’re saying and how you are showing up for your kids. And that just leave with that picture in your mind. They are a mirror of me. So what am I doing or saying?
Heather Welch
So that’s brilliant advice, not just, not just for teachers, for parents as well. They’re under the stress from working from all, I suppose, many had gone back now, but as many countries are actually only going back, like Australia’s only going back this week, opening schools up, and I know that there’s some other countries in Asia.
Starting to open their schools up as, but listen to how can our listeners hear more about educational impact academy or even just get in touch with you? Um, I know that you’ve got an amazing podcast is magnificent, which is available on, I know it’s on podbean on apple and it’s on Spotify, am i right?
Dr Karin Jakubowski
So, yeah. Yeah. Quite a few platforms. Anything you listen to, you should be able to find it.
Heather Welch
Otherwise, they can go to your educational academy.com and it’s on there as well, but what’s the best way to get in touch or to email through if they’re interested in courses.
Dr Karin Jakubowski
So on my website, there’s also a contact me a button. You can just send a quick email to ask a question. Um, I’m on Facebook I have a Facebook page, um, educational impact academy for moms as well. You could private message me on Instagram, Twitter. Um, just to put my name either frontwards or backwards, you could find me.
I hope you do reach out, because if there’s anything I can do to help at least one mom and power you and your relationship with your kids, um, I would love to our kids deserve it from us. And I always love the story of just imagine your kid on a stage one day, talking to thousands of people. And they say you know what?
I really struggled as a kid growing up, but my mom taught me. And how powerful could that can not be. And it can be yes. There’s places for therapists and doctors, etcetera in our lives. Yes. But you, as a mom, there are some empowering tools and strategies. Is to first remind you of how beautiful and special and magnificent you are, no matter what you’ve done today, or how you feel you are.
And we help moms recognize that. And remember that, and you have the ability to empower your kid to, to, to learn and grow and learn from the situations they face to be an incredible human for the rest of their life to live, to live to give back aswell..
Heather Welch
Dr. J, your passion comes through for teaching very much, in everything you’ve said today, from talking about the collaborative approach, the parenting toolkits that you’re giving for not only teachers but parents to come through and actually be able to problem solve this approach.
To, to begin to change the behaviour of all these challenging moments that we all have. And then you can either spiral out of control or you can bring it back, which is what you’re trying. What you’re doing is you’re bringing back children’s behaviour and getting them to trust, you know, and then they’re trusting someone they’re changing their behaviour and the way.
Lots of little successes. I think it’s really interesting. And if anyone has a chance, please go on and have a look at one of the, um, finger breathing exercise that one of the little boys.
And he was just explaining how he uses it and why you use it. It’s such an important thing and powerful for to see how. How children are using these techniques and why they’re so important because sometimes I suppose we don’t think of the importance of it and it is such an important thing is what so educational impact academy is doing an amazing job.
Heather Welch
Thank you, Dr. J, and we hope to hear more about it.
Dr Karin Jakubowski
Yeah. I would love to come back and speak with you again. Thank you so much for this opportunity.
This podcast series is brought to you by Heather Welch from Edx education. As she’d like to say, let’s create lifelong learners.
